One final glass of whiskey neat, I lie to myself as I repeat, so lonely in this crowded place, where souls come to surrender. Where the fight is done, the pretence of peace has become a house of splendor. Just a moment’s peace in chaotic surrounding, for the morning after, my head starts pounding, so just one more please, so I may release what weights heavy on my heart.
For my days are spent in concentration, on tasks for which I have no patience, how I wish I could do just what I loved, instead I’m here beneath your thumb, my body and soul don’t move as one, I dread the person I’ve become, so one more glass until I’m done, just one more glass to leave me numb.
By now you can tell that I’m lying, to empty the bottle is what I’m trying, so fill my cup and hold the ice, you’ve filled it once, now fill it twice, pour one for every morbid soul that frequents your house with sordid goals, to numb their pain is all they’re trying, such a lively house filled with the dying.
Pouring rains batter the old window panes, howling winds rattle weathered wooden window frames, thoughtful moments over open flames, bottles of red wine flowing through my veins,
Dark grey skies and fleeting lanterns in the distance, smokey maple embers fill the room with warmth and reminisce, thick woolen blankets and open true crime books, candle lit dinners of hearty winter soups,
Winter, my love, to some you are nothing but cold, however to me your yearly visits warm my soul
The sun rises from the top of your head and sets at the souls of your feet, your body moves in passionate rythmic motion, to the tempo of my hearts beat, stuck to you, I cannot move, my body covered in a blanket of your love concrete, sculpted by your hearts desire, I am now complete,
Lost at sea, your faith in me must be truly tremendous, titanic waves feel like mere ripples with how love do defend us, my dove with the olive branch, let love lead the way, in my mind and in my heart, you shall forever stay,
The light to my darkness, let the cool breeze of your love fan the flames of my desire, when I am in free fall, grab my hands and take me higher, the death of a time before you, I welcome the blaze of the funeral pyre, moulded in the flares of passion, emerging in angelic fashion, surrounded by your hearts wildfire, sculpted to your hearts desire
This is going to be a long read, so I apologise in advance, and I know to some this rant might come off a little whiney, so I apologise for that too.
Okay, so this is an easy one to answer, but a difficult subject for me to speak on. I wish that I could spend more quality time with my family. The emphasis here being on the word quality!
Now I know this probably sounds like a cliché or the most obvious or common answer you would expect to get from a full-time working husband and father, but the sad reality is that it is so common because it’s true. We don’t get to spend a lot of QUALITY time with our families and it hurts.
I am a civil servant, working for eight hours a day as my core time, Monday to Friday, so forty hours a week in total. Not too hectic right? Now add to that an extra forty hours of mandatory planned overtime each month. Still manageable? Sure, but now please add to that a full week of being on mandatory standby, so after my shift has ended I need to still be available on call at any God given hour, but for this week though, it’s Monday to Sunday and the areas that I service, you can bet your bottom dollar that you will be getting that call daily, most times more than once a night.
Now make no mistake, I am extremely grateful for the work I have. The benefits are great, the pay is decent, it allows me to provide a roof over the heads of my family and a warm meal each night. What I do not feel comfortable with though is the time it takes from my family.
Now something I feel we can almost all relate to is the fact that COVID-19 epidemic and hard lockdown hit us all pretty hard mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. Things got to the point where we were struggling to make ends meet aaaaand my wife was forced to take a position working the nightshift, as the shift allowance meant some extra money to help tie us over each month.
What this essentially means is that by the time I get home from work, my wife is starting work, and by the time I leave for work in the morning, my wife is still sleeping as her shift ended not too long before that. The only time we get to spend much time together is on the weekends, and even that can be a delicate juggling act as we are both so exhausted after our busy weeks that we can hardly give our eight year old son the attention he desires, let alone each other!
I know that this is just a phase in our lives where we need to bite the bullet and push through it, as there is light at the end of the tunnel and things will change again for the better. At the moment that light just feels like the tiniest of twinkles in the distance, like someone holding a candle in the middle of the night a few kilometres away, barely visible to the naked eye.
Let me reiterate that I am extremely grateful that we are still able to provide and have work as I know many people were hit a lot harder than what we were and my heart bleeds for everyone that was negatively affected in any way by the pandemic. I am simply a man who loves his family dearly and wishes he could spend more quality time with them.
What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?
Either back of my left calve or front of my left forearm
The attention to detail and the skill of the tattoo artists is mesmerizing to say the least. Truly a work of art.
The story of Icarus also interests me, as most people would define it as a cautionary tale, however I choose to see it differently. I see it as a tale of inspiration.
Without people pushing the boundaries and challenging the limitations of what we perceive as impossible, we would never advance as a species. People such as Icarus are necessary and responsible for paving the road to our future.
Tempting as it may seem, do not loose yourself in daydreams, for real life is filled with wonders, all the beauty all around us,
The trees filled with flowers and crisp leaves, the scent of which draws all the busy bees, the sun shining through with it’s warm beams, the soothing sounds from river streams,
Take a second to breath in the fresh air, don’t be shy, the birds don’t mind if you stare, take a minute to lay in the tall grass, just relax and watch all of the clouds pass,
Hear the barking of dogs in the distance, hear the secrets the cool wind whispers, just let mother nature embrace you and your daydreams will encompass this space too
Imprints in the ashes, barefoot I walk this road, cut deep in my shoulders, as it try to bear this load, prayed for a cool breeze, then what I got was snow, asked for warmer days, and found desert sand below,
This road is unforgiving, it will make you not forget, every blister a cruel memory, every cut a deep regret, the more you try to fight it, with more resistance you’re met,
With every lonely step I take, more blood runs down my back, lashes from the ones I love, they won’t cut me some slack, I stop, I pause, I turn around, this road is just too rough, I drop this weight off from my back, I feel I’ve had enough…
Take me in your arms so I may embrace you like the seasons, the scent of Spring surrounds you, the warmth of Summer your blanket, gentle as an Autumn leave falling, comfort like a Winter’s day morning,
All the beauties of this world, personified in your presence, embodiment of true love’s essence, your prayers filled with blessings for all things around you, so glad that I found you, the appreciation I will give you will astound you, heavens fallen angel, but even that could not ground you.
Pandora Poems 